Secrets
by Three-Ravens
Summary: Caleb and Susan carry different secrets that neither are willing to share. Falling in love is hard when there's a wall of secrets keeping them apart.


"_Susan? I'm home." Caleb calls from the front door.  
I poke my head out of the kitchen, a smile spreading across my face. Wiping my hands on my apron, I make my way over to him.  
"Hello darling," I plant a small kiss on his lips. "How was work?"  
"Same as always," he smiles, politely. "How was your day?"  
"Productive, I cooked three pots of soup for the factionless."  
"Well done. Would you like me to distribute them?"  
"No, its fine. I thought-" A gunshot rings through the house, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Caleb slumps in front of me, red seeping through his grey shirt. His eyelids droop.  
"Caleb?" No reply. "Caleb!" I scream at him, urging him to wake. My hands start to shake violently, as I press my hands to his chest, trying to stop the bleeding. My hands come away stained with blood. He is dead. I am useless. My hands caress his face, touching his lips, jawline. He is so cold. So dead. A sob racks through my body, the sound escaping my mouth comes from deep within me. It is filled with grief. I can feel a hole open up in my heart. A hole that will never mend. At that moment I look out of the front door, where the killer stands. Only he is not there. I run outside, beyond our front porch, to the street. Dead people. Everywhere. Their blood runs down the gutters, creating a red river. The sky turns red and it starts to rain. Blood. It's raining blood. First a single drop on my forehead. Then it falls heavier and I am being covered with it. I can taste it in my mouth. It is everywhere. Blood. Death. _

I wake abruptly, sweat covering my forehead. I can taste blood in my mouth and I realise that I must have bitten my tongue when I was asleep. The same dream. I've had it almost every night since the attack. It haunts me. I can't tell anyone, though. I can't believe what some other people must be going through. Caleb. Beatrice. I crawl out of bed and find two spare sets of clothing on the end of my it. Abnegation. I quickly change and scoop up the other set of clothing, walking into the hallway. Still half asleep I bump into Caleb.  
"I'm so sorry! Are you alright?" I ask, retrieving the clothes.  
"I'm fine. Are you alright?"  
"I'm fine, thank you." I smile, politely.  
"Your hairs down." Caleb observes. Oops. I forgot to put it up. I hastily reach for the band on my wrist. Caleb grabs my hand, stopping me. "You look very nice." I'm blushing. I can feel the heat rushing to my cheeks.  
"Thank you." I reply. Caleb drops his hand and I continue putting up my hair.  
"Susan?"  
"Yes, Caleb?"  
"Are you mad that I changed faction?" He sounds genuinely concerned.  
"Of course not, Caleb. It was your decision, and I trust you knew what was best for you."  
"Are you happy that I'm an Abnegation again?"  
"Why are you asking my such questions, Caleb? Does it really matter what I think?" I ask, gently.  
"I care for you, Susan. I want to know if you care for me, if you're happy I'm here." He cares for me? As a friend? Something more?  
"I care for you very much Caleb and I'm glad you're here." I reply, trying to copy my mother's calm tone. Caleb leans forward, closing the space between us. His face is so close to mine that I can feel his warm breath on my face.  
"I'm glad to be here." He whispers in my ear, tickling the side of my neck. He leans even closer and his lips brush against my neck, trailing my jawline and moving up, towards my lips. His lips brush mine lightly at first, but as I lean into him he begins to press harder, forcing my lips apart. His hands rest on my hips and mine stay at my side. And we kiss. I've never been kissed before. It's wonderful. I can feel all my love for Caleb boiling to the surface, waiting to be released in this passionate embrace. But all too suddenly he pulls away. He looks at me his expression suddenly serious. He turns toward the door leading outside and motions for me to follow him.

He stands stiffly, staring at me. But as I move closer to him, he seems to relax, sensing my eagerness. My heart rate picks up as he slides his hand to the small of my back, making me shiver. I have never been touched like this before. Abnegation don't show physical affection, especially in public. I am thankful for the cover of the trees in the orchards of Amity headquarters. I look up at Caleb, admiring his long eyelashes and dark hair. His eyes meet mine and I look away quickly, feeling heat rush to my cheeks.  
"Susan? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you like that." Caleb says, stepping back. I grab the hem of his shirt and pull him to me before I think about what I'm doing.  
"I want you to." The words rush out of my mouth before I can stop them. What's happening to me? Am I losing control of myself? Am I beco- Caleb wraps his arms around my waist, cutting off my thoughts. He leans his face towards mine, pulling both our bodies together so that there's no space between us. I have never been this close to a person before. Our parents used to kiss us on the head before we went to bed each night, and that's as far as physical affection went in our family. Caleb's family was quite the same. Caleb isn't Abnegation anymore, I remember. He is an Erudite. Well… was. What if he helped in the making of the simulation that destroyed almost all the Abnegation. The thought makes me pull away from him.  
"What's wrong? Did I do something?"  
"Will you ever go back to Erudite?" I ask quickly.  
"Wha-?" I can tell he was not expecting that.  
"Please answer the question, Caleb."  
"No."  
He's lying. I turn on my heel and start off in the opposite direction. Caleb grabs my hand, turning me around to face him.  
"Susan, why should it matter? I'm here now, I told you I'm not going anywhere."  
"Because Erudite did something awful and evil and I don't think I could love someone that was a part of that."  
"What happened needed to be done."  
"What? How could you say that?" Did Caleb enjoy killing all of our innocent people? No, there must be a reason behind all of this.  
"Susan, there is a piece of information. This information is highly dangerous and we needed-"  
"Nothing is worth killing innocent people for." I state, cutting him off.  
"If you knew…"  
"What is it?"  
"I can't tell you."  
"How can you kill my parents, and not tell me the reason behind their deaths?" I can feel tears welling up in my eyes, spilling onto my cheeks. Caleb reaches over and wipes the tears from my face. I lean my face into his hand. He steps closer again and wraps his arms around me. I feel like I should be pulling away, but a part of me never wants to let him go.  
"It's all for the greater good. So we can all be safe."  
I pull my head away from his chest and look in his eyes. "I believe you." I decide. Before I can marvel over my sudden decision, Caleb presses his lips to mine. This embrace is different to our earlier kiss, more urgent. I stand still for a moment before bringing my hands to the back of his neck, moving them into his hair. He stops the embrace before I am ready to let go and I look up at him disappointed, which is selfish of me so I quickly look at my feet. Our feet. So close, one step closer and I would crush his toes.  
"Thank you," Caleb whispers into my ear. I look up at him now, not caring how selfish I am being. I stretch up onto my tip-toes and plant a kiss on his lips. We stand for a long while after that in a tight hug, my head resting against his chest. When the bell rings, signalling lunch we pull apart. He takes my hand and our fingers intertwine. They fit perfectly together. Just as I always dreamt they would.  
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten angry at you. Especially because your parents-," I don't finish my sentence, "It was selfish of me."  
"Don't say sorry," Is all he says. I don't think he will talk about his parent's deaths for a long while, but it is my job to help him through this. Whatever I have to do, I will do it.


End file.
